To Sleep

Tonight is the last night of winter break.

But it’s 11:11, so I need to make a wish.

Wish made.

I think I’m nervous. I don’t really know what I’m feeling to be honest.

I don’t even know all the classes I have tomorrow.

Now I do after checking my schedule. I’ve got 2 classes. Score.

I have 2 classes Tuesday and Thursday then 4 Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (ish.)

(ish.) because I have 4 classes every other Friday. 

This semester should be so much better than last. Going from 5 classes a day every day starting at 8:30 every day.

So. Much. Better. 

What’s not better are the drunk girls singing very poorly and very loudly outside my apartment. And wooing. They’re woo girls. 

The worst. 

But today was very productive. I cleaned my room extensively. It’s cleaner than when I sorted everything when I moved in. My problem is I have a lot of one thing (like, a lot of reeds for saxophone, gear, etc.) and I need just one box for it. For now, a crate that holds all my music plus some books and notebooks has some random saxophone stuff.

Speaking of saxophone…

My professor forgot to email me about lesson times this semester. I emailed him about it asking who I would be with and what the times were if I was to be with him. Of course, the only time he had left for me I have a class. 


To say I’m frustrated with him would be an understatement, but there isn’t anything I can do in the situation. And I just don’t give too much of a damn.

I don’t give too much of a damn about anything right now really.

Apathetic. That’s how I feel about tomorrow.

Disgustingly apathetic. 

There’s a small edge of panic there which is to be expected. But since I had such a hard time opening my university email over winter break due to panic attacks, I think I’ve moved past the so-anxious-I-can’t-breathe-what-is-my-life phase and am breeching on the don’t-give-any-fucks-total-apathy phase. 

My anxiety tends to have pretty predictable stages. Finding them out was a real help. Save for the fact that my apathy stage cost me my chemistry grade last semester. 


I just want this week to be over with.

Or to sleep.

To sleep forever.

The worst part is I’m not even a little bit tired. I was when I was working on my puzzle, but now I’m not.

Maybe I’ll give that a shot before bed.

That’s one of the worst parts about all of this. 

I can’t ever sleep. And it’s one of the few things I want.

To sleep. 


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