Tonight has been a good night.
Today has been an good day.
This week has been pretty good.
Save for the whole “withdraw effects from dropping medication” thing.
The whole changing appetite thing is not something I enjoy all that much.
Especially… just no.
I like to cook.
Fuck you stomach.
Anyway, I’m sure a lot of people are disappointed with tonights outcome for NCAA tourney.
Well, I certainly am.
Indiana (yesterday, I know) whom I had winning the dance, lost. More importantly, FGCU lost tonight.
The “Cinderella” did not find her shoe tonight.
Although this follows my bracket perfectly, I still would have loved to see FGCU win tonight.
My cousin plays for the girls team and we were “kinda” texting during it. More so- I was (drunk) and she texted me how she was sad once the game was done.
But seriously. We should have collaborated. I’m with the fucking Hawkeye Marching Band. I was with people in the damn band. We would have all cheered something had I told them to.
It should have happened.
Back to this week. Besides the excruciating pain coming from my left shoulder thus preventing me from practicing all that much, this week has been pretty great. My room is very organized, I’m going home on Sunday so I get to do what little laundry I have to do (still substantial,) and classes have been going well. I still have yet to drop Chemistry, but I’m not too worried about it. I just need one signature then to turn it in. I was planning on doing so today, but that obviously didn’t happen otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about it.
I’m just…. I can tell when I’m in that half-sober/half-not-sober phase.
My face is still a little… numb-ish, my stomach is most definitely not pleased with me, and my mind is working so much better yet so much worse at the same time.
Good in terms of basic cognitive function. Bad in terms of anxiety and my ordeal with myself.
My dad says not to call it depression because he doesn’t think it is.
Right now, he’s right. I don’t feel like I’m really depressed anymore.
If he knew everything that happened to me between the beginning of Fall semester and the beginning of this semester… I know he’d say otherwise.
Here’s something that I haven’t told anyone yet.
I want to start a campaign.
Well, support/awareness group. I want to call it the “_____ Campaign”, (not naming on here for various reasons) but it’s something I’m very passionate about.
Everyone goes through trials with their identities, especially in college. I went through a huge crisis. I want to help those that have issues with it. Especially people with pre-existing mental disorders like myself. Anxiety, OCD, Depression, ADHD, and so many other things affect our youth today. These illnesses affect our daily lives and make us work around them.
I’m tired of living like that.
I’m ready to take a stand.
My anxiety does not own me.
My anxiety is a part of me, but it is not who I am.
I can be defined in many different ways.
Focus on the positive. Focus on the good. Focus on what’s right.
I’m just so tired.
Until next time: