GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
I am so lame.
Lame in 2 senses.
Lame in 1: it hurts to move. It hurts to breathe. I have a fever. It’s kinda going down now. Not really. I’m very sick right now. Not only that, but I’m having my first period in almost 2 years. Talk to me about hell- I know pretty damn well what it feels like.
Lame in 2: I CAN’T FUNCTION AROUND FUCKING A WHY DO I HAVE FEELS I GIVE UP BOYS SUCK I’M DONE WITH THEM.
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
I can’t keep myself together, let alone a damned relationship.
I make desperate attempts at guys who are very not interested because college is a wide array of girls and there are pretty girls that will get in their pants way faster than me so why do I even try.
Oh, I know why.
Fuck my damned life.
And I feel like I’m dying.
I may have just screwed my sister over for a class project.
I’m sick off my ass.
I cannot remember feeling this sick in a very long time. Sure, I’ve had fevers before. Plenty of them. Not many of them have lasted more than a day though. That’s why I’m worried. I took medication over 2 hours ago, have had a cold cloth on my head for 45 minutes, and I still don’t feel like this fever has gone down. My nose is stuffy, my throat kills…. this is such a bad rant.
This is worthless.
No one reads this shit except for me later on and I only regret it thinking how stupid I would sound if people actually read this worthless shit.
On the bright side, some things are getting better.
There’s a reason why I’m having my first period in about 2 years. My birth control, depo provera.
I never got my next shot about… probably 3 months ago that was due.
So… I’m 6 months over due for that… but I have noticed some good things.
While, the whole period thing is not fun and I definitely did not miss that one bit, I don’t feel the looming depression.
I wonder if that was really a contributing factor.
Feels like it.
Who knows though.
I was on so many drugs at one point for depression and anxiety and all this other stuff then I kinda stopped taking it all at once. So yeah. It could be a number of things.
God, I am rambling so much.
There are run on sentences everywhere…
My head feels ready to explode.
I still have a lot of self esteem issues.
A lot of self esteem issues.
Not sure if I still hate myself though.
Jury’s still out.
Definitely times that I do.
Sometimes… I don’t feel it as much.
This could also be that I feel like shit right now though and I’ll do/say anything to make it stop.
That’s why I don’t think I’m depressed though.
I’m desperate. Not depressed.