Good Thing

I cannot stop thinking that today is Monday or Tuesday.

It’s only Saturday. Well, Sunday morning technically. 

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This is what sickness does to me.

I really only feel better when I take a shit ton of drugs. But my nose is still all stuffy. It’s really uncomfortable. 

I went to the doctor today to make sure. 3 days of fever is very unusual for me, so I thought it best to check it out. My lovely father took me to the quick care and… nothing. Just a really bad virus. 

At least I got a doctor’s note for missing work out of it. 

That’s really the only reason I went. I haven’t been working at this place for very long so I wanted to make sure I got it. Didn’t want them thinking I was flaking out on what is presumably the busiest weekend we have. 

Trust me, I would have much rather been working then bed ridden all this time.

On other fronts…

I’m just getting bored.

I check my tumblr more than I should. Most of the time I’ll get on it 5 times a week. Tops. It has replaced Facebook on sites I check most frequently. I have a problem. I have a serious problem. 

I’ve resorted to neopets from time to time to keep me entertained. It does just that. 

I’m getting people deprived… that’s saying a lot for me.

A lot.

While I am social, I am an introvert. 

I think it’s just that I hate walking back into my room from the bathroom or kitchen. It’s stale, humid, dank, and rotting of sickness right now. I think the thing that makes me most upset is that I just washed my sheets only for me to get sick…

With him…

I can’t make the first move anymore. I don’t want to. I’m tired of it. I don’t want to be the one to always strike up conversation. I’m sick. I’m tired. I don’t know how I did it so many years ago. I feel like it’s getting harder as I get older… which I didn’t think would be the case in this area. 

Of course, life gets more complicated as you age, but I felt that with more experience… WRONG.

Things came so… easily in my first relationship. I don’t think I ever felt like one of us was ever calling the other more. There’s one thing… before the age of texting… for us anyway. We could talk about it too. “I’ll call you later” “You’ll call me later?” It was mutual. It was fairly equal.

Ben will forever be the one that got away. I’m pretty sure he knows that too. That’s why when he came to Iowa City over winter break, he didn’t bother texting me or anything.

He’s also been very bitter about our break up since… our break up. Which, might I add, was nearly 4 years ago.

It was also almost 4 years ago the last time I saw him. Well, life goes on I guess.

My sister says that his older brother is a big reason why Ben probably doesn’t even think of me as a friend. In reality, she’s partially right. Steven never liked me. I think the way things ended and how I handled it was a contributing factor too. Probably the main reason.

Sean made me sick of making the first move. That’s bad, considering everything that is to come. But with Sean… I literally had to do everything. It was fun, yes. I cared about him, yes. It suffocated me, hell yes.

It’s a good thing I took medicine a little while ago, because I can feel my fever coming back. UGH.

It also just sucks. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get over this guy for as long as he’s in my life physically. Maybe it’s good he’s going home for the summer. I’ll be seeing him at least one more time before he does probably. 

It’s a good thing.

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