A Very Stupid and Immature Rant Because I Need It

Xanga tells me to personalize my private pages. 

… What? Fuck that extra work.

So, I caved to my sister and joined the RENT reunion we’re having here. 

… What? Fuck that extra work.

But seriously. How the hell am I going to do this working nearly 50 hours a week?

… I hate my life in a lot of ways right now. Sarcastically and not sarcastically.

I mean, I move out in only a couple of weeks, which is fantastic (*cough* getting away from psycho roommate *cough*.)

Well, away that I’m not living with her. I probably won’t be rid of her until she graduates….

And she’s not that psycho, she’s just very particular about things and gets really pissy and leaves passive-aggressive notes on our whiteboard. Look, we’re only living with each other for another week. Can we like… not complain about the way we live to each other? It’s not like you’re going to be putting up with it that much longer, why make a big deal out of something small? I don’t know. She’s not very smart and always has something shoved up her ass. 

Me and one of my other roommates were talking, if we complained about EVERY SINGLE THING that bothered us about living with the people we do, we wouldn’t be able to breathe or function or do anything. Somethings, you just have to ignore and relish in the fact that you only have a few more days together. 

Sucks living with people who are in the School of Music with you. Sucks worse when you ruin any chance of a friendship by living together. 

She just… okay. Done ranting about her. Done. D. O. N. E.

She’s not worth this precious space anyway.

We probably could have been friends if we hadn’t lived with each other. Well, probably not. I have a very low tolerance for people who don’t have a lot of common sense. 

GOD I need to STOP.

Okay.

I’m done.

Now to the other predicament. 

I can’t eat.

I opened the fridge only to start to have a panic attack.

This is bad.

This is very bad.

I’ve never had something like this before.

I’m hungry, but I’m not, and I can’t do anything about it except feel sorry for myself.

Which goes on the extensive list for why I’m a worthless human being, but we won’t get into that too much tonight.

Because fuck my life.

Fuck my anxiety.

Fuck my depression.

Fuck my brain.

Fuck my messiness.

Fuck my life.

I just… I don’t want to do this anymore.

I cried myself to sleep last night. And the night before that. It appears when I try to go to bed without my little ASMR videos to fall asleep to, I cry. Because I think. I think way too much.

I’m tired of that.

I’m tired of waiting for disturbed thoughts to cloud my mind.

I would like to be happy with the good things happening in my life.

Not freaking out over them.

 

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