Blocking the Numb

Right now, I’m going through the whole “emotionally numb” thing.

This is what happens when I shell in my feelings.

I’ve yet to cry today.

Okay… that’s a lie.

I started crying last night. Right before I fell asleep – but Calvin was there so it didn’t last long.

I didn’t cry while I was over at my sister’s.

I thought I would. 

I thought we’d sit together, read the letters, each one of them touching us in a specific way, we’d let little tears fall here and there, then when we were done, we’d sit, talk about them and our own memories, and cry some more.

And that would be the end of it.

My therapist wanted me to set aside a certain time to mourn. She wanted me to have at least an hour or so to just sit, think, and cry.

I honestly don’t think I’m going to get that hour in.

I’ve got just over 3 hours left in the day and I don’t think it’s going to happen.

I will update later. Then, all of the tears.

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