Hero

Everything makes me angry and want to throw-up right now.

I hate feeling like this more than anything.

What happened?

So, back in my freshman year, I decided to participate in a study. Bone density and SSRI’s. It was… I don’t know. I kind of did it on a whim. I liked the research assistants. They asked me the questions, got the answers they needed to do their jobs, then moved on.

The head of all of this though…

He makes me feel like shit.

He makes me feel like a total piece of shit.

I guess I don’t enjoy feeling like I’m answering a question wrong when I’m talking about my feelings.

There is no “right” or “wrong” with feelings. There is no “right” or “wrong” with honesty.

Dude, you’re asking me extremely difficult questions about my life.

Stop expecting shimmering answers when your questions are worded with the quality of dirty snow.

I just.

I hate that he put me in this mood. One person has the ability to ruin my whole day.

And he kept asking me what they could do better with the study as to gain consistency among their participants (seeing as the last time I went in was March of 2012.)

Duh.

Get a new lead researcher.

Depression is a serious matter.

You don’t know the context behind my story.

Don’t interrogate me, make me feel uncomfortable, and proceed to tell me what I’m doing wrong in my treatment when I’m there to help you.

I understand you’re only trying to help me.

But let me help myself.

Let the plan my doctors’ and I have be carried out by us.

Don’t try to jump in and be the hero.

I don’t need a hero.

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