I really have this dark thing over me.
My sister is recently engaged.
I’m almost done with the semester.
Christmas is almost here.
I have a wonderful boyfriend, the guy that I’ve practically been in love with for almost 2 years now.
I have a great job.
My loan materials are turned in and now it’s just the waiting game.
How can I feel so morbidly awful?
I want to rip the skin right off my body.
I want to vomit my insides out.
I want to die.
I want to be back, confined in that hospital.
A week from today, I hope I will be in that hospital.
I’d prefer that to the alternative.
I’m so incredibly overwhelmed right now. I feel like such an utter failure.
I see one thing, and I become increasingly paranoid. I can’t keep living…. “living” like this.
Last night with Calvin was pretty miserable.
I just…. got caught up in my mind. Couldn’t relax. Couldn’t enjoy myself. Felt awful and disgusting the whole time.
I feel like I have a small understanding of what it felt like for Sean.
This is true misery, my friends.