Choking

I’m still choking.

Choking on the idea that you want me.

I just can’t fathom…

Someone as incredible as you. Wanting me in your life.

Choking.

I’m gasping for air, the next time I see you.

Holding my breath. I can be patient.

You’re amazing. Incredible. Smart. Refreshing.

I’m clutching onto things to remember. The smell of you right after you shower. The feel of your skin. The deep color of your eyes. The sound of your laugh.

Are you choking as well? Do you at times find it harder to breathe? Does your heart start and stop suddenly? Can you feel it beating? Can you feel your lungs expand? Can you feel your breath? Hear it? See it? Smell it? Taste it?

I can’t help but know you haven’t noticed. Breathing is natural. Involuntary. Necessary.

I miss you terribly already.

I will miss you until the day I have all those things back.

I will miss you until the day air returns to my lungs.

Until then, I’ll hold my breath.

And choke out of happiness knowing you’re happy.

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