Never-Ending Struggle

I’m feeling a little more personal this morning.

More than likely because yesterday was so messed up.

I freak out more than I should for my music therapy stuff. Every time I have to perform, the class never has comments to give me. My TA has maybe one technical comment, but they always say how well I’m doing. It’s self inflicted pressure that I don’t know how to eliminate.

So much so that I had to take a sedative before class yesterday.

That threw everything out of balance.

After class, I literally couldn’t function. It was a miracle I showed up to work yesterday. I didn’t get anything I needed to done.

Then, of course late at night after the effects had worn off I started to have yet another one.

It never ends or goes away. Once it starts, it’s hard to stop it. I get upset that I even start to have one and that amplifies the feelings tenfold.

It’s beginning to seep into every part of my life. I simply can’t let it be.

I have some complaints about other things, but I’ll save that post for later today.

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