Communication Errors

Reasons why I really don’t like being away from home right now:

When I’m having a bad day and I don’t really want to be around people but I’m at a conference in which I paid money to be at and I’ve pretty much just thrown that money away and now I sit in a very expensive hotel room hungry as hell and I just want to order some pizza but I probably shouldn’t because then Calvin would be upset that I ate without him but he also hasn’t even tried to check-up on me once so why the fuck do I care I already made him mad at me today so that’s probably why he hasn’t checked on me he’s busy at the conference with people and being social which is good but here I am being stupid and shit and he’s mad.

That didn’t make any sense.

So, Calvin is upset with me. 

The reason:

He went to quartet rehearsal since they perform tomorrow. Michael and I decided to chill out and wait for a recital duo that performed from 11:40-12:00. It was kinda sorta really bad. Okay, I’m being judgmental because the music was very very new (world premier) and a lot of that stuff tends to be super atonal and just difficult to enjoy for me personally. It also went over. Over 20 minutes of hell song. Yeah. Didn’t put me in the best of moods. 

I’ve also just felt really weird being at this conference. It’s put me in a weird mood. Being on my period really isn’t helping either.

We were trying to figure out where to go for lunch. Mostly, we were trying to find where they went to lunch so we could meet up with them. I got impatient waiting for him to text me back. Not impatient in a bad way. I wasn’t really upset or anything, I just wanted to know where we were going before we accidentally walked in the wrong direction or something. I also just really hate texting when calling someone is so much faster and effective. So I called him while he was in line for food. And I’m just a very direct person. I now realize that I can come off pretty demanding. It’s really just that I’m straightforward. I like to cut the crap and get the information I need as to get what needs to be done accomplished. To most of my friends, they’re just as straightforward. Before Calvin, I never even thought that it could be taken as me being rude. Really, I’m joking around and just wanting to get the information I need as quickly as possible.

But he got upset. He got food for me too. But he got mad. And it wasn’t even for something I meant to do. He just misinterpreted me. He hates being misinterpreted. I hate it too. 

I think I hate it more now because we have this problem of communicating without really communicating. We think we’re telling the other person something when really we fail to actually tell them what it is we actually want/need. We make a lot of assumptions until one person gets upset and the whole thing blows up.

I mean, we have an interesting form of communication to begin with. Often times, words aren’t needed or even close to obtaining the goal. 

In times like this, I just wish he would stop and think. Get perspective. He assumes A LOT with me. A LOT. Sometimes it’s right. Sometimes it isn’t. When it isn’t, I tend to just roll with it and not address it because it isn’t a big deal. But now I’m realizing that it is a big deal and I should care more but I really find that hard to do.

I’m going to take a nap. Fuck this.


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