November Episode

I know… I’ve been gone a long while.

A very long while.

Life got really crazy and it shows no signs of slowing.

I quit my job due to a manager not understanding how to treat an employee with an anxiety disorder. He said some very inappropriate things to me. I was sad and yet not sad to go.

Since then, things have been all over the place… literally. My kitchen looks beautiful… the rest of my place…

I’ve been tackling it little by little. Something to be proud of every day.

Every day is becoming more and more of a struggle. I’m not sure if it’s depression, anxiety, hormones, or bad luck. Probably all of the above. I need some better collaboration.

I need homework to get me on track. I feel horrible all the time.

I do nothing but sleep. Go to class maybe. Usually I don’t shower anymore. Calvin calls to check if I have. Then he makes me.

It’s okay when I’m with him. Yeah, I’m frustrated, but I’m more motivated than when I’m alone.

I’ve become obsessed again with his ex. I don’t know why she’s been bothering me so much recently. She hasn’t really even tried to talk to him. Sure, they talk here and there. This jealousy is eating me alive and I want to stop it.

I’m jealous over their past. I’m jealous that I feel like he picked her over me. I feel like he should be with her though and not me…

I’m a mess. My grades are dropping again. I’ve stopped going to class. I’m not doing homework. I can’t leave my bed. Clothes, food, random stuff clutters my apartment. Thankfully it doesn’t smell. I’ve still kept Leo’s litter box relatively clean. He seems happy that I’m around so much…

I’m tired. It’s cold. The weather is bleak. I’ve hit another depressive episode.

My money’s running out. I feel so tired.

I just want to sleep.

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One thought on “November Episode

  1. I have depression and anxiety as well. Maybe you could take a peek at my blog if you have a moment. I’ve had a rough day too. Sending you positive vibes. I hope your day tomorrow is better. 🙂
    My blog: paramedicnatsmentalhealthjourney.wordpress.com

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