Updated Journal

So, Wednesday wasn’t any better than Tuesday night.

It was so bad I went to the ER. I wasn’t admitted. I’ve been at my parent’s house for the last few days. Today, I wasn’t able to shake off the blues until I took an Ativan. Yesterday was simply mediocre. It’s been nice being with my dad though.

My family keeps talking and asking when I leave for Hong Kong. I can’t believe I’m really about to go there.

I asked my doctor if she thought I would be okay going, given the recent circumstances.

She thought it would be okay, I would just need to adjust my meds accordingly. And get enough of them to last me the trip and to keep all of them on me at all times. Not bad advise. I like my doctor.

She really helped make me feel less pressure to fix myself. I’ve always felt like there’s something wrong with me and therefore something I’m not doing right or that I’m messing up.

She reminded me that I’m paying her to help fix me. Yes, there are things I have to do, like take my meds and make my appointments, but leave the fixing decisions to her. I don’t have to feel guilty for something not going right.

Okay. She’s encouraging me to blame her. I won’t deny that I feel like a science experiment, but whatever.

My docs have also advised me to keep a more updated journal.

Sooooo….

I think you’ll be seeing more of me than you have in a while. I know I have been horribly inconsistent and it will take me time to get it down, but I will.

So to those of you still around and commenting – thank you for your kind words and wisdom. I cannot express my gratitude to you with my own words as I’m as clumsy with words as I am walking.

But really. You guys are the best.

And I’m super tired now so… g’night y’all.

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