Human High School Science Experiment

Oh jeeze….

So I’m borderline ready to explode.

Or implode.

This anxiety is raw and is fighting every medication I put in my body to get rid of it.

The Wellbutrin is helping the anxiety.

I’m no longer on the Wellbutrin.

In fact, I’m being weened off Lexapro, too. I’m going to be put on Effexor. Oh god… when will it end??

I want to ask for an extension on a paper. But I feel like then I’d be asking too much. Just lazy. But honestly, my anxiety completely controls my life and I only am getting brief periods of sanity. This Wellbutrin really messed me up. I hate being in that small 10% that certain medication combos don’t work for.

If I don’t take the Lorezapam at a regular interval, I go crazy.

I took 2 at about 8:30. I just took 1 about 20 minutes ago. I feel like I’m going to die.

My head is spinning, my limbs don’t feel like they’re really under my control, my heart rate is erratic… the list goes on. I am so dependent upon my medications right now. This is just a mess.

I just need to wait 40 more minutes then I get to see my therapist, Lisa. 40 more minutes.

I ate.

That’s something good.

I had a salad and sandwich and bread at Panera. Yesterday, I have a piece of toast, a pear, and a pb&j sandwich. I probably won’t eat another meal today, though.

I’m so incredibly tired. I just want to sleep. I feel like I’m at a risk of a mental break down right now.

I’m probably going to pack up here and just sit and wait in the parking lot.

Cheers to being a human high school science experiment.


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