Oh what a day.
I’m sure we were all expecting much more updates from me given my current location (Hong Kong.) Maybe some of you guessed that I wouldn’t be updating as often since I’m on a type a vacation. Or maybe most of you did.
Anyway, I’m disappointed in myself for my lack of writing. Apologies.
Hong Kong has been an adventure. I’ve had so much delicious and bizarre food. I’ve climbed a mountain, walked down to the beach, then proceeded back up the mountain. I’ve hand picked my dinner of large shrimp, oysters, and fish. I’ve shopped at some of the biggest name-brand stores the world has to offer. I’ve walked countless miles, been on even more escalators and elevators than any person should, and ran into several animate and inanimate objects/living beings. I’ve witnessed a traditional Taoist funeral procession. I’ve been stared at by so many by being a racial minority in a rural area. I’ve haggled and been begged to by street vendors. I’ve done more than I could have imagined.
And here is a great revelation.
I’ve been bored.
It’s a different experience traveling to a foreign land as a tourist and visiting the sights with others that are just as unfamiliar with the place as you than traveling with a native. Being with Calvin has proven to be a necessary asset for my survival here. Many of the restaurants that we’ve been to have been hand picked due to their specialty dishes. He’s also been able to communicate with servers and merchants when I haven’t. He knows his way around.
Something I expected with this experience was the countless hours of listening to Cantonese. I’ve learned a few words/phrases, but it’s been very difficult. I’ve felt very pressured to feel like I’m being entertained for my hosts that I’m not actually enjoying myself. I’m pressuring myself to the point of severe panic attacks and extreme fatigue. I’ve been sick with a sore throat for 3 days which slowed me down. I’ve also had one dangerous panic attack that no amount of medications could help. By pressuring myself and making myself so fatigued, I’ve caused my hosts to think weakly of me. Obviously not the goal I’m aiming for as my hosts are my boyfriend’s parents.
Calvin’s mom knows most of it. But she’s also a bit… hovering? That’s the only word I can use to describe it. I don’t do well with that kind of stuff. I like to deal with my problems on my own in my own way. I don’t like people dictating what I’m going to do or what I should do unless I’m paying them to do it. I didn’t receive a whole lot of parenting growing up – I taking it rather offensively when people try to “parent” me.
Calvin’s dad… I have no idea what he knows. Probably very little. I don’t know how to feel about that. He’s very rational and logical. He doesn’t get why I’m always so tired and wanting to stay in or lay low when the lifestyle in Hong Kong is so go-go-go from the time you wake up to the time you sleep. Part of me feels like he might understand it if it was explained to him properly. Another part of me feels that no amount of explaining will get him to understand since the whole basis of it is illogical and irrational.
Just…. fuck anxiety. I’m supposed to go eat mangoes Calvin’s mom prepared now. I will try to update more frequently while here. (Written January 2, 2015)