The Large, Dense Brick

I’ve just gone from 5 miles per hour to 500 in the span of 8 weeks.

I say this because of my new supervisor.

Important: I’m not bashing her. I like her a lot and I like that she has a lot to say on my sessions as compared to my previous supervisor who hardly commented on my session plans. It’s just that. I went from a supervisor who would tell me a few things to fix, some big, some small, but only did that once or twice to getting back a session plan with a whole lot of red on it. Two very different styles of teaching. I feel like I’ve been slammed in the face with a brick.

A very large, dense brick.

I always knew that my current supervisor was the one everyone said always has a lot to say. I like it because I know that she’s really paying attention to what I’m doing and is going to help me see how to do things better. I’m not saying my supervisor didn’t last semester, it’s just that she was much more go-with-the-flow. She’d read the plan, make sure nothing was too outrageous and make sure it was a solid plan, make a few comments as to how I could lengthen/expand on some interventions as to prompt a bigger/better response, but maaannnn. All of this red.

Like I said. A large, dense brick has just been slammed in my face.

I took my medicine because I was starting to freak out.

Now I’m going to go through my avoidance phase where I try not to think about anything music therapy related for the next few hours.

Alright. I’m going to be honest.

There are times where I really like music therapy. I like it a lot. There are times where the anxious introvert in me doesn’t want anything to do with it. I would like to do research maybe. Maybe become a music psychologist. Which reminds me I have an assignment to do before my friends come over.

So I think about doing research. I think about becoming a stay-at-home mom once Calvin has a stable job and we have kids. I think about anything that isn’t music therapy because working with people scares me.

I also know that it took me a year of extreme pre-work anxiety for me to adjust to my job as a waitress. After that, I liked the people I worked with, I liked my job because I became good at it, and I liked working with people.

It’s just one of those things that I know I have to push through before I become comfortable with it. I won’t become comfortable with doing sessions until I’m doing it for real, on my own, and I get some practice under my belt.

It’s just scary pushing through that.

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