Survival Mode

If I could stop shaking yet being so incredibly exhausted, that’d be swell.

But, I haven’t been hungry the last 36 hours. I’ve eaten a scarce amount of food. My head feels foggy and useless. My heart won’t stop beating so fast. My arms and legs feel beyond jittery. I feel like I have this weight sitting on my chest that I can’t lift. My stomach is churning.

What is going on with me?

Monday night was when it started. Started to have a panic attack. Had a small one. Ended up going to bed super early but waking up early Tuesday morning throwing up. Didn’t do anything on Tuesday. Yesterday was awful. I’m so proud that I went to classes. It was so hard for me to get out of bed.

I felt so incredibly anxious and depressed.

I’m basically in survival mode right now. Parts of me can’t care about everything that’s going on otherwise I’ll just explode.

Of course I slept like shit last night and woke up at 4:30 to my cat wanting food and attention.

Then he proceeded to get sick.

Maybe I’ll try to eat something small and see if that helps.

I’m just so tired of this thing controlling me.

I’m very proud of myself for yesterday, though.

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