A Right Mess

I’ve been up since 6:30 this morning and I’m completely rooted by depression.

Now, I’ve taken my meds and I don’t know what I feel.

I’ve gained a lot of weight recently. I have no money. I haven’t paid my rent for this month yet. I told Calvin that I might not be able to come this weekend. I’m numb I’m numb I’m numb.

I could withdraw this semester. But then that’d mean another semester. How am I going to live in my job? How can I function in the real world when I can’t even get through a semester of school without having a nervous breakdown?

I need rehab. I need intensive rehab. But I don’t have the money for that. My family doesn’t have the money for that. I haven’t stopped crying all day.

I need to go to my piano lesson. My teacher is already upset with me.

I need to find my binder. To do that, I need to put some clothes away. I wish my clothes would fit me like they normally do.

So I’ve stopped eating. Maybe that will help.

God, I’m a right mess.

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