To the Tired

Another day of trying to be okay.

I have to wonder how people don’t feel like this?

How to people without anxiety disorders feel waking up in the morning? What’s the first thing on their mind? Or do we all have issues with it and I’m just being melodramatic?

I can’t help but feel melodramatic. Like I’m making it up. It’s all in my head, right?

Especially when there’s cancer, diabetes, autoimmune disorders…

How can I compare? How can my pain be justified?

Is it justified? Should I even try?

But then that makes me want to kill myself and that reminds me that I am in fact pretty sick. Normal people don’t think about ending their lives on a daily basis.

So that just makes me weird, I guess?

I don’t know why my brain has gone back to such pre-diagnosis thoughts. Maybe I’m tired of this loop. I’ve had an anxiety disorder for over 7 years. I’ve been aware of it for about half of it… probably more than half. I’m just tired.

I always say that.

Here’s to the tired, may we get some peace some day.

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