I’m having a freak out.

But a weird kind of freak out.

Like. Jesus.

I’m not ready to have kids.

I’m not ready to be out of college. I’m not ready to meet somebody. I’m not ready to get married. I’m not ready to get a big-girl job and start paying back my loans and be done with this whole thing.

I’m a kid.

I’m not ready to move in with someone. I’m ready to play with my cat and eat kale chips in bed while watching Gilmore Girls.

Ugh. Life is just so crazy. I’m 22 – almost 23. That is so weird. I have not been able to legally drink for almost 2 years. This is crazy. This is crap. What the fuck is happening? How am I getting older?!

Just yesterday I was 14 and with my first boyfriend ever. I was mad at him for something that don’t even remember. We were at a friends house. We felt so old back then and everything felt so real. Every emotion, every touch, every smile was genuine.

I still haven’t progressed from that silly, awkward teen. If anything, it’s gotten worse.

Oh how I always felt so young. Now, older guys at work are taking notice of me. I’m a potential. I have potential. That’s bizarre and a totally unexpected thing. What is happening to the world?

How am I getting older?


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