Selfishly Controlling

Some days can be very strange.

I felt better waking up this morning than I have in the past week. Calvin’s birthday had passed. I felt freer.

Of course, my computer died the night before. When it had rebooted itself and Skype opened, I saw a message from Calvin. It said “you douchebag”. I was confused, not having remembered already reading it a few weeks prior. I got offended and he quickly responded. He reminded me when he had sent it. He apologized for not having replied to my email about the budget. I said that I figured he wouldn’t have replied and that there wasn’t really much to say. I then quickly ran away from the conversation because fuck that.

I got some amazing news shortly after, though.

So, that California internship that I hadn’t heard from in over 2 months? They accepted me as their intern.

I’m so freaking excited!!

I cried as I called my dad, my friend Alex, Diego, Eric, and my sister. I was so happy. I could go somewhere.

I feel as though I have been graced with an opportunity.

California was a selfish choice. I wasn’t following anyone there. I was going based on my interests. My desires. I didn’t think anything serious would become of it though as I thought I’d be following Calvin.

Now, California is mine.

It’d be the perfect time. It’s only for 6 months, so if I hate being far from friends and family I can always go back. If I love it, I’ll have found it. I get to do what I want.

But then I have to figure out the logistics.

I’m honestly considering a GoFundMe page. I’ve never thought of doing that before. I want this though. I want this for me.

I hope I can make this work.

The internship would start on June 27th. Not a lot of time to figure things out. As well as buying a plane ticket to even go out there… not to mention when I would go. I don’t have much time and tickets are expensive.

Maybe I could take a train?

I don’t know. Definitely something I’ll look into. I just need cheap and my car can’t make that kind of drive. It’d probably cost more anyway.

What a whirlwind of a day. I’ve been high on this opportunity since I found out. California is mine. I have my own life. I can do what I want with it.

I finally feel in control again.

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