Some people say, “love isn’t always enough.”
I think that’s bullshit.
When you truly love someone, any amount of pain or heart ache or inconvenience becomes negligible. Things that may annoy you or cause you discomfort don’t bother you as much. You may recognize how undesirable may be, but that person and your love for that person make it all worth it without a second thought.
I think you did love me. There was a point where I could ask and you would have answered. I could have said and you would have sung. I could be horrible and you would be wonderful.
That was short-lived, though. It wouldn’t have been fair. I’m not sure if I was ever that horrible to you, but I’m sure you could think of something. No one is perfect. But sometimes our imperfections make us more perfect. If not more. More human. More real.
You weren’t horrible constantly, but you weren’t great either.
In fact, I can say that I’ve had better boyfriends.
Sean still tops the list of good boyfriends.
He was always kind to me. He gave me shit, but when it was well deserved. He always made me a priority. It was a selfish relationship because he was far too good to me. He was far too good for me. I wasn’t good for him, though.
I need someone compassionate, but screwed up as well. Someone who won’t hide from me. Someone who isn’t afraid of what I think. Someone who is kind but will call me out. Someone who enjoys being in and out of touch with reality. Someone who will accept me in all my nerd-ness and be goofy with me. Someone I will have fun with. Someone who will make me feel the range of emotions humans are supposed to feel.
I want to experience life and all it has to offer. And I don’t wish to do it alone.
I’m certainly not waiting for it to come.
I’m here and ready to take it.
So I’m still bothered by that stupid saying. When love is all you have, maybe it isn’t what you need. But when love is all you are, the statement is real and you are real. When you consume yourself in this, you create a bond that when severed can have catastrophic repercussions but will also give you the person of a lifetime.
My dad had that kind of bond with my mother.
My mother was abandoned unexpectedly by a man she was engaged to. She met my dad a year later and the rest is history. I know love was all my dad was when he was with my mom. I wonder if my mom felt the same. I think she did.
I can only hope that one day I’ll find that love too.