His Name

Ed Sheeran guy has a name. His name is Ben.

Last night just didn’t go how I planned. But that was okay. I ended up going to 2 Dogs and drinking there. I was sober by the time I left at 1 AM. It was still a confusing night.

So, Ben comes in with his friend and coworker Juan. Juan’s a great guy, one of the regulars. He comes in a few nights a week. Sometimes gets really, really drunk. But he always takes a cab.

He didn’t take a cab last night. And he should have. And he didn’t take a cab after trying to hit on me first. Ugh.

We were outside smoking, but the three of us often just stayed out there talking and joking around. Ben was really cool and fun. He kept telling me to give my number to Juan so I could remind them of the concert I’m going to be in today.

That didn’t happen for a number of reasons.

I had my number written down for him and I was going to give it to him. But Juan tells me that he’s taken.

Not what I was expecting to hear.

Seeing as about a month ago, this guy bought me a drink at the bar. I mean, a lot can happen and change in a month, so I’m not trying to insinuate that it’s impossible for this guy to have gotten a girlfriend by now. As well as he was being very friendly.

I guess not overly so, though.

When Juan first told me he was taken, I was disappointed. This was going to be the first time for me to give my number to some guy I met at a bar. I was excited to do that. Then I find out he’s not available. Not like a crushing disappointment but obviously one to some extent.

At the same time, Juan hitting on me at the end of the night and being shitty by driving home when he really shouldn’t have been driving lead me to question Juan’s honesty. Was he just trying to keep me for himself?

I don’t want to think so. That’d be super weird and super shitty.

When I talked with my coworkers about it, they were skeptical too. They agreed that I shouldn’t have given Juan my number. Again, very happy I didn’t do that.

The next step is just to find out if he really does have a girlfriend. If he does, good for him. Hopefully it was just another guy who bought me that drink and we don’t remember it properly or the relationship is new or he was just trying to be friendly since I was a good server to them that night.

Okay, not that last one. I know that wasn’t the case. Pretty sure I messed something up with them.

I just hope I’m not the “other girl”. That’s not something I’m cool with nor will I ever be. At the same time, I don’t want to look into starting anything serious here in the next few weeks. I might be moving to California here and I’m not about to tie myself down to anything here that would be more permanent.

Even if he does have a girlfriend and nothing becomes of this other than a friendship, I’m still happy. I now know that I am starting to be ready again. While I know it will be difficult at first and I’ll probably have a few unsuccessful trial runs, just to try something again is thrilling.

For the first time the other night since Calvin, I was very excited that I was single. Most of the time, I’ve been sad and frustrated. Now, I see what kind of opportunities have opened. I love the freedom. I love the endless possibilities. I love the unpredictability of it all.

I’m okay with not knowing. In fact, I’m thrilled I don’t know what’s next. I’m almost 23 and have all the time in the world to figure things out. I’m just going to go where ever the world takes me. I don’t have to follow someone. I can do what I want where I want.

I think the timing with everything just barely worked out. I haven’t seen Ben at work in almost a month and now just when I’m starting to feel ready again he shows up. California comes right when I’ve accepted that the future I’d been planning for over 2 years had shattered. Things are wrapping up and I’m just getting started.


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