My Last Night

It’s my last night in this apartment.

I always get so sentimental at these parts.

I came into this place with a stable relationship, a budding future, and a lot of baggage.

I am now shedding myself of much of my material belongings and moving myself to California, single and happy.

I have 12 more days in Iowa City. 12.

This is so strange.

Lisa was wondering when my “Oh shit, I’m leaving” phase would kick in. It’s now.

I have lived in Iowa City for most of my life. My mother’s eternal resting place is here in this city. I feel it is so random, but it now has me forever tied to it. A lot happened here. I go places and I see memories. What kind of memories am I about to make? Will any of it be familiar? Am I walking into something so beautifully invisible that I’m paralyzed with fear?

In my future, I see myself with my car packed and ready to go. I see myself driving the hardest drive I have ever done. But once I get to California, what do I see?

I see the facility, the people I will be working with, I see a few familiar faces, but nothing else. The rest is dark. I see Thanksgiving with the family who hosted me for my short visit. I see Christmas at home, internship completed and first post-grad job ready. It’s all hypothetical of course. Will I be seeing anybody? Will I hear from Calvin again? Where am I going to work besides the facility? Will it be a good place? How will I work out at the facility? How will my internship go? Will I cry a lot when I’m there? Will I long for hot, humid days of the same old things? Will I embrace everything that California has to offer me? Will I offer myself to it?

I’m determined to experience California. I have to always remind myself that misery doesn’t last forever. Good things don’t either. Balance is key.

My last night, folks.

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